id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This is the high leading the old right now
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
