have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
