Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
