I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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