Joe is yelling at the trees again.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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