So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh god it's open bar.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
