grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
