the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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