The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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