Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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