i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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