Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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