fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
