y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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