she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
