Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
