it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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