Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool

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(920): Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool http://tfl.nu/i9nx

Replies (10) Good night (813) Bad night (2084)
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(503): View more from Oregon

My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.

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(503): My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night. http://tfl.nu/xdrw

Replies (19) Good night (619) Bad night (4490)
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(631): View more from New York

if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you

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(631): if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you http://tfl.nu/ij50

Replies (27) Good night (3339) Bad night (4094)
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(518): View more from New York

alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?

(1-518): View more from New York

dude. you drew those with your dick

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(518): alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from? (1-518): dude. you drew those with your dick http://tfl.nu/4t0i

Replies (24) Good night (7320) Bad night (1453)
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(716): View more from New York

i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.

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(716): i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby. http://tfl.nu/gnwv

Replies (35) Good night (4216) Bad night (1189)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.

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(541): Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus. http://tfl.nu/wqiq

Replies (10) Good night (3899) Bad night (1509)
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(818): View more from California

Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.

(818): View more from California

And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.

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(818): Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas. (818): And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you. http://tfl.nu/hyux

Replies (14) Good night (5458) Bad night (1176)
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(563): View more from Iowa

Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.

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(563): Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience. http://tfl.nu/j0u8

Replies (6) Good night (3361) Bad night (715)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.

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(724): I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way. http://tfl.nu/vhtx

Replies (12) Good night (2123) Bad night (1289)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.

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(910): Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook. http://tfl.nu/qwbp

Replies (11) Good night (1284) Bad night (848)
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(416): View more from Toronto

Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds

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(416): Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds http://tfl.nu/xosv

Replies (3) Good night (463) Bad night (849)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.

(802): View more from Vermont

'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'

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(802): Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday. (802): 'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!' http://tfl.nu/efoo

Replies (3) Good night (924) Bad night (288)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.

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(202): I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out. http://tfl.nu/03ma

Replies (4) Good night (704) Bad night (362)
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(239): View more from Florida

We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious

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(239): We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious http://tfl.nu/iovv

Replies (6) Good night (629) Bad night (312)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.

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(508): I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer. http://tfl.nu/b5d7

Replies (0) Good night (351) Bad night (244)

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