i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
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Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
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I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up