Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
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rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.