I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.