Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?

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  (905): Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray? http://tfl.nu/uvnt
  Replies (32) Good night (4715) Bad night (1321)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Do you have a shampoo for semen

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Or a time machine

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  (604): Do you have a shampoo for semen (604): Or a time machine http://tfl.nu/n3wr
  Replies (29) Good night (1051) Bad night (3554)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"

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  (780): she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!" http://tfl.nu/mre5
  Replies (13) Good night (4647) Bad night (1109)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..

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  (586): he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today.. http://tfl.nu/ftkb
  Replies (36) Good night (862) Bad night (10705)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Eco-friendly.

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  (515): I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly? (1-515): Eco-friendly. http://tfl.nu/yssm
  Replies (29) Good night (2321) Bad night (4785)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man

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  (614): I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man http://tfl.nu/8rsc
  Replies (9) Good night (4247) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.

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  (901): at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby. http://tfl.nu/xhbt
  Replies (8) Good night (903) Bad night (3281)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?

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  (203): Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high? http://tfl.nu/olxn
  Replies (8) Good night (800) Bad night (2265)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?

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  (+61): i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that? http://tfl.nu/m9eq
  Replies (6) Good night (2339) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?

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  (206): Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/2o7o
  Replies (8) Good night (1389) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are

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  (773): Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are http://tfl.nu/he1z
  Replies (6) Good night (894) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.

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  (914): I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed. http://tfl.nu/j5xb
  Replies (6) Good night (1446) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.

  (1-626): View more from California

  This is why you don't have nice things.

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  (626): Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread. (1-626): This is why you don't have nice things. http://tfl.nu/swqp
  Replies (3) Good night (1420) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?

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  (202): Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up? http://tfl.nu/celn
  Replies (2) Good night (2227) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries

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  (423): So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries http://tfl.nu/0e3x
  Replies (3) Good night (932) Bad night (316)

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