can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.