Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.