he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
