C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
