if i can run in heels then i can drive
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize