I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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