Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
