I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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