I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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