when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
