This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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