The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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