I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
