they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
