he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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