You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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