He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
