why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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