I can tuck mytits in my pants
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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