Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize