he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize