Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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