I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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