Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
