im six kinds of drunk right now
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
