this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
