My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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