I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
