How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
