While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
