His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
