Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
should my penis look like a turkey
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
