guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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