First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize