he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
