Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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