you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
