Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I want her autograph on my taint
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
