he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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