My pussy is not your playground.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
