can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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