the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
