i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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