how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
