awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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