i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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