you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
