A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
