Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
