what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
