I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
