What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
