Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
