um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
