Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
